Pangs
by JazzieAngel
Summary: Futurefic. Rory is graduating from Yale what happens when her boyfriend, Logan dosen't show up but someone else does? Lit & bits of LL eventually. ON HIATUS
1. Empty Seats on graduation day

Disclaimer - I don't own anything Gilmore Girls, nor do I own the title of the fic. That'd be the title of a BtVS episode. I don't claim to own them, so don't sue me, k?

A/N: Normally I write Veronica Mars fic, this is my first attempt at Gilmore Girls fiction so if it sucks gimme a break. Reviews put a smile on my face, though are not necessary. Also I have absolutely no idea what an Ivy League graduation ceremony would be like, (I don't remember much from the Logan graduating episode) So I'm kind of just making stuff up lol. Hope it is somewhat realistic.

Rory Gilmore couldn't believe it. Today she was graduating from Yale University. Today was the first day of the rest of her life. Her real life, her adult life.

"There is my baby!" Her mother, Lorelai greeted her with a big hug. "I'm so proud of you Rory."

"Mom, how did you get back here? Only the graduating Yale students are supposed to be back here." Rory said rolling her eyes, but returning the embrace. She was always happy to see her mother, even if she was in places she wasn't permitted to be.

"Adolf, A.K.A. your grandmother intimidated the young man watching the door. She and your grandfather are around here somewhere too." Rory gave a sigh and another eye roll.

"You guys better go take your seats! The ceremony is starting in ten minutes."

"I know, I just wanted to see you before you walk across the stage. You look great in that gown by the way. I have to get a few pictures." Lorelai said, taking her camera out and snapping pictures without much warning.

"Mom!"

"Okay, okay! See you when its over!" Lorelai got one more picture before exiting the back room.

Immediately after Lorelai left Rory began to miss her presence. She was beginning to feel nervous so she glanced out at the crowed for her family and friends for comfort. She spotted her mom and Luke, her grandparents, even Sookie and Jackson. Two people she did not see however were her father and her boyfriend, Logan. Rory frowned, she figured Logan was off messing around with his friends. Christopher probably didn't show up, just like at her high school graduation. She didn't mind his absence, she had Luke there to fill in as her dad.

This sure isn't anything like high school graduation. Rory thought as she made her way from the back room to her seat where she would remain until her name was called. There was still no sign of Christopher or Logan. Oh well, its not like I was really expecting him to show up even though he is paid for my last year here. She figured her father must have been busy with Gigi or something. Rory tried not to think about anything while she was waiting for her turn to walk across the stage to avoid any further nervousness.

Finally it was her turn. "Lorelai, Gilmore." Rory got up and walked onto the stage and was handed her college diploma. "Congratulations Miss Gilmore." Rory smiled.

"Thank you" She responded and began to walk off the stage. When she looked out to the crowd she saw pretty much the last person she expected to be there standing far in the back._ what on earth would he be doing here? _She walked off the stage and began making her way to the back where she saw the person, when her mom and Luke shot out of no where and both pulled her into a tight hug.

"Way to go, kid! You make mommy so proud." Lorelai exclaimed, beaming.

"I'm proud of you too Rory. I knew you were going to be doing great things from the first time I saw you nine years ago." Rory had to fight back tears at her mom and Luke's words.

"Thank you" A tear escaped "You know I couldn't have done this if it weren't for you guys. You're the best mom anyone could ever wish for, and Luke, I've always thought of you as a father figure. Even before you and mom started dating. You both mean everything to me and I honestly would not be here without you."

"Aww Rory why'd you have to go say that?" Lorelai asked, her eyes now filling with tears too as she pulled her daughter into another big hug. "I love you kid. And you are the best daughter in the world."

"You truly are something special Rory." Luke said in a shaky voice as though he was too on the verge of tears."We're going to have a big party tonight just for you."

Rory simply responded by throwing her arms around the both of them and engaging in a group hug. Rory thought that this must be exactly what having a normal family felt like. Perfect. "Okay, I'm going to go change out of these clothes and into something a little more weather appropriate. I'm dying in this gown. We don't have to stay for the rest of the ceremony. We'll skip out as soon as I get back."

"K, see you soon kid."

Rory walked in the direction of which she saw the familiar face, but it was no where to be seen now. Feeling disappointed and a slight pang she gave up her quick and went back to change. _I must have been mistaken... what would he be doing here? And why didn't Logan show up? Something must have happened to him. _Rory hoped that he didn't find any Life or Death Brigade members hanging around and got himself hurt. She was getting really worried that he was in danger.

End Chapter. Hehehe don't you love Cliffhangers? I know I sure do! Yeah, I'll be the first one to admit this chapter sorta sucks. Plus its pretty short. I promise that it'll get better once you know who the mystery person is. Also there'll be some LL stuff coming up!


	2. What a Gilmore wants, she gets

_Disclaimer – I own nothing related to the Gilmore Girls nor do I claim to so no need to sue me!_

_Author's Note – Some of you guessed the mystery person already, good for you! You get a big ass cookie! **Throws Cookies** Alright! On with the story_

Rory was shocked at all the work her mom and Luke put into her graduation party. They had decorations every where, and every single one of her favorite foods, and a huge stack of presents under a banner that said Congratulations_ Rory!_ And practically the entire town was there. She was completely shocked by the sight of it all. She knew that Her mom and Luke wanted to have a party for her but this was more like Marti Gras.

"Rory!" She spun around to see Paris calling her.

"Hi Paris" She responded, walking towards the girl.

"So now that school is done, are we ever going to speak to each other again?" She asked abruptly

"Of course we are, we're friends Paris." Rory said. "Lets go get some cake!"

Paris smiled. "Great idea."

The two of them made their way to the table where a huge cake was sitting. Rory grabbed two plates and handed one to Paris. "So... you didn't see Logan at graduation did you?"

"No, I didn't. Why, was he supposed to come back from London?"

"Well he told me he was. Maybe his flight was delayed or something." Rory said, worried.

"Thats strange, hook me up with some ice cream on this cake and I'll call the airports. Do you know the flight number or anything?"

"No, I just know that he said he was going to fly back today to see me graduate. He didn't even say what time." Rory answered.

Rory scooped two different kinds of ice cream onto their plates and listened to Paris get nasty with the people who work at the airport. She was glad to have a friend like Paris who would do this kind of stuff for her.

"Okay Rory, they said Logan was on a flight from London to New York earlier this afternoon, the plane landed about six hours ago."

"So he was here then. Why didn't he come to graduation?" Rory asked in unintentional Bambi-voice.

"I have no clue. You tried calling him right?"

"Yeah, cell is shut off."

Rory seen Lorelai trying to shove her way through everyone to get to the kitchen. "Rory?" She called, "Where are you?"

"By the cake mom!" Rory responded.

"Ah-ha!" Lorelai shouted. "Always look for the girl by the sweets."

"Hey mom, can I ask you about something without you getting all weird on me?"

"Of course baby, ask anything."

"Is Jess in town?"

"Wow, um no he isn't. But he will be for the wedding I'm not really sure what day he is coming, you'd have to ask Luke about that. Why Rory?"

"Oh no reason, I just thought I saw him somewhere, I must have been mistaken."

"Yeah, Luke would have told me if Jess was here already."

"Mom, would you be mad if I left the party for a little bit and went for a walk?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything is fine. I just wanna clear my head."

"Then its okay for you to go, and by the way you are an Ivy League graduate, you don't need to ask mommy for permission to go on walks anymore." Lorelai smiled, taking pride in her daughter.

"Thanks mom" Rory gave Lorelai a quick hug and strolled out the door to head for the Gazebo.

Rory felt bad for leaving her party but she needed a moment to clear her head. She was really upset about Logan not showing up or answering her calls. When she got to the gazebo she tried Logan again and this time he picked up.

"Hello?"

"Logan? Where are you?" Rory asked

"Hey Ace, I'm in New York with my dad, whats up?"

"Why didn't you come to my graduation today? You said you'd be there."

"Oh crap, I forgot that was today. I've been so busy lately its hard to keep track of anything."

"Thats great, well I have to go. There is a party being held for me."

"Talk to you tomorrow, Ace?"

"Sure, whatever." With that she flipped her phone shut. In the past months Rory's relationship with Logan was going downhill. When he first left for London they talked all the time for hours on the phone and made it a point to see each other once every other month. Now they have quick phone conversations three times a week and she hadn't seen him since Christmas.

"Hey you." A voice called out and startled Rory.

"Hey!" Rory turned around to see Jess. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for the wedding. Your mom and my uncle getting hitched. You remember about that right?"

"Yeah, I knew you were coming for the wedding but its a week away. Mom said you weren't coming for a few more days." Rory explained.

"Luke told me you were graduating today. I wanted to see it, so I figured I'd just leave early."

"A-ha! I did see you there. I thought I was imagining it. Why didn't you come say hi to me or Luke?"

"I didn't really want to make my presence known. I like to go unnoticed, you know that."

"Yeah, well too bad. Why don't you come back to the house with me? There is a party going on, lots of food and desserts, and Luke would be happy to see you."

He shook his head "Nah I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"I'm not really in a party mood." He enjoyed being oppositional.

"Come on, Jess." Rory said with a fake pout.

"Rory, no. I don't really think its a good idea for us to be around each other a lot. And its especially not a good idea for someone to see us talking. The town might slaughter me, you know how they are."

Rory wondered why he didn't want to be around her. They hadn't seen each other since Luke and Lorelai's engagement party, they hadn't talked to each other a whole lot but they got a long.

"Stop it, just come back to the house and have a piece of cake and talk to Luke for a while. I think he misses you sometimes."

"You are so full of it! He is glad I'm not around here to stir up trouble."

"Jess, thats not you anymore. And Luke talks about you and your gallery all the time, he is proud of you and I guarantee he would like a visit so just stop being difficult and come with me."

"Fine, I should have known better than to argue in the first place. What a Gilmore wants, she gets."

Rory smirked at him and led the way.


	3. Interruptions

_Disclaimer – I own nothing related to the Gilmore Girls. _

_Authors note – First of all, a big thank you to my lovely reviewers, you all are a great bunch! Secondly, Enjoy the new chapter! Oh and if you're a fan of Dean you might wanna skip this chapter and the next one!_

The two of them arrived outside of the Gilmore home several minutes later. Rather than going inside the house Rory sat down on the front steps and made room for her company.

"Rory, what are you doing? I thought we were gonna eat food, talk to your mom and Luke, party." Jess asked curiously.

"I lied." Rory stated causing Jess to let out a small, amused laugh.

"Since when do you lie?" He asked.

"Well it wasn't a downright lie, more like a small white lie. We'll go inside later, once it starts to clear out a bit."

"Whats the matter? Don't ya wanna be seen with me?" He teased.

"No. Its been a long day. And I didn't really want a party, but Luke and my mom were so excited about it that I just agreed." Rory explained.

"I see" Jess said, finally taking the seat next to Rory that she had cleared for him.

Rory shifted around a bit to make sure there was enough room for the both of them on the steps. They sat close together, it was awkward yet comfortable for her. She felt a little weird about the kiss they had shared the last time she saw him in Philadelphia which she hadn't been able to keep off her mind since they first started talking.

"Jess, can I ask you sort of a personal question?"

"Ask whatever you want, I can't promise you an answer until after I hear the question." He said and started to look extremely nervous.

"Do you ever feel like life is like a highway and your car is going faster than all the other cars on the road?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I mean that while everyone else is going slow enough to enjoy the scenery you're just cruising along missing everything and you can never go back to that patch of road you missed its gone and you're just S.O.L. Okay its like here we are talking as adults, yet I still feel like we're teenagers just having a good time, I don't know how to explain it exactly." Rory paused for a second. "Never mind, it was a stupid analogy forget I said anything at all."

(_a/n SOL Shit out of luck.)_

"Yeah, I get that. When I finished writing my first book I felt like that a lot. It was like wow this is really it, this is the moment where I have to grow up this is where all my fun ends. After a while it didn't feel like that anymore though." He said and smiled at her fondly. "Ya know Rory, I'm glad we can still be friends, I honestly missed these meaningful conversations." He added.

_Friends? _Rory thought as she felt her heart sink a little. _Wait why am I disappointed that he only wants to be friends. I'm with Logan right? _Instead of dwelling on her mixed emotions she decided to ride it out. Rory did love Logan but she's also always had feelings for the man sitting beside her. It was just a matter of him not being ready for the kind of relationship that she needed. But now she has that relationship with someone else.

"Can I ask you something else?"

"Sure"

"Why did you really come to my graduation today?"

"Because, the wedding is coming up soon and I was coming anyway." Jess sighed. "And it was a big deal for you, I wanted to see it for myself. I'm proud of your Rory." He said quickly and looked away as though he just said something that he wasn't supposed to.

"Thank you, that means a lot to me." She gave him a weak smile. "My dad and Logan didn't even show up." She said finally expressing her disappointment with the men in her life.

"Wow that was really shitty of them."

Jess placed his hand on her back with the intention of giving her a few quick comfort pats but before he could pull his arm away Rory had begun to lean in towards him and before he really knew what was happening she was hugging him.

"I'm sorry for being so weird tonight, its been such a messed up day." She explained.

"That okay." He responded and returned her embrace.

Just then the front door opened and before they could pull apart the little figure standing in the doorway had already seen them.

"Rory?" April asked. "What are you doing out here... I mean your mom said you went for a walk... Her and my dad sent me out looking for you, they wanna do presents now. Hi Jess"

"Okay, thanks April, we'll be inside in a minute."

Rory sighed and sat up. "Alright lets go in now."

The two of them got quite a few stares from the townspeople who've on more than one occasion expressed their deep dislike for Jess. Everyone was quiet though except for Luke who looked mad and told Jess he would talk to him later. Lorelai just stood there wide eyed.

"Jeez guys, this isn't the zoo." Lorelai said quickly trying to ease the tension in the room.

Rory shot her mother a thankful expression. "So I hear you've got some presents for me?"

"Boy do we ever! Me and Luke really went all out for ya. I say start with the smaller boxes and make your way to the bigger ones."

"Okay!" Rory sat down and grabbed the smallest box and pulled off the silly dancing penguin wrapping paper. Inside was a small jewelery box filled with assorted candy. The next six boxes were filled with books. The second to last box was full of CDs and DVDs. Rory opened the last and biggest box. Inside was a brand new computer.

"Oh my god! Thank you guys so much!" Rory got up and hugged her mom and soon-to-be-step father.

"Rory, I need to speak with you in the kitchen for a minute." Lorelai said when Rory was finished paying her thanks for her gifts.

"Okay." Rory replied and followed her mother into the kitchen.

"Rory! What is Jess doing here?"

"I don't know, I just ran into him when I was out by the gazebo and I hadn't seen him in such a long time that I wanted to catch up and stuff so I invited him back here."

"Well you know that is it okay for him to be here... its just theres a small problem."

"What kind of problem?" Rory asked getting worried.

"I... uh, I kind of invited Dean."

"WHAT!" Rory shouted. "Those two can't be in the same room together! Why did you invite Dean, I haven't even seen him in forever."

"Because... he was doing some work at the inn for Tom and everyone in town knew that you were graduating today and he asked me about you and I told him he should come tonight. I didn't know Jess was going to be here!"

"Well what did he say?"

"Well his body language said he would rather be impaled but his mouth said he'd come!"

"Oh mom this is bad! Very bad!"

"Well whats the worst that can happen with all these people around?"

"A fight."

"In front of everybody?"

"They've done it before."

"Ahh yes. Wait I know! We can turn off all the lights and be very quiet and maybe Dean will think the party is over... or we moved."

"Great idea, a party in the dark." Rory said sarcastically right as the doorbell rang.

"Quick go drag Jess in your room and I'll tell him you went to sleep early because you drank too much!"

"Okay make sure you tell everyone the story before you answer the door!" Rory said. She was desperate for her two ex boyfriends not to see each other so she followed her mothers instructions and called for Jess to come in her bedroom.


	4. Girl Talk

_Disclaimer – I am in no way connected to the show, if I was Chris would be laying in a ditch somewhere._

_Authors note – Sorry it took me so long to update. I've had horrible writers block lately and I didn't have any ideas for the next chapter. Also, I'm trying to make April really likable so tell me if you think I'm succeeding with that. She has a big part in this fic, basically Rory is rediscovering herself through April. This is my favorite chapter so far and I had a ton of fun writing it. I hope you enjoy it!_

Rory pulled a confused Jess inside of her room and let out a breath of relief when they were safely inside without being seen. Maybe it was a bit presumptuous of her to assume that the two boys were going to get in a fight. After all she wasn't dating either of them anymore, so why should they fight over her?

"What is going on Rory? Jess asked.

"Promise you wont get mad, or yell, or do anything to give away our location?" Rory responded nervously. She didn't really want to tell him the truth, fearing what his reaction might be to Dean being there or to her assumption that they were going to fight.

"So we're hiding." He stated knowingly "Why are we hiding, and from whom?"

"You didn't promise. I can't tell you anything unless you promise. Please, its important to me." She hit the last sentence in her famous Bambi voice that no one can refuse.

"I can't promise that I wont get angry, but I do promise that no matter how mad I am at you I'll sit here quiet as a mouse."

"Good enough." Rory sighed "Dean is here, and I thought you guys might get into a fight or something and I didn't want that."

"I see." He said dryly. After a small pause he followed with "I also understand, and I'm not mad."

"You're not?" She asked, skeptical of his answer.

"Of course I'm not mad. Rory. You had every reason to believe that something bad could happen if Dean and I stood in a room together. What is he doing here though? I mean, I thought you were with that rich douche bag, not Dean."

Rory went over and sat down on her bed and beckoned for Jess to join her.

"I didn't invite him, my mom did because he asked about me at work, it is a small town and my graduating Yale has been a big thing around here lately. I think she just didn't want him to be left out because we used to date." Rory explained, neglecting to defend her boyfriend.

"Sounds like something your mom would do."

"She didn't know you were going to be here." Rory said.

"I know. Its okay I don't mind hiding out in the bedroom alone with you. I can finally get some payback." Jess said and moved towards the open window.

"Payback?" Rory asked confused. "For what?"

"Go enjoy your party Rory." Then he kissed her and hopped out the window.

Rory stood there dumbstruck. She wasn't quite sure what had just happened, obviously Jess had just kissed her, but why? Was is really because she kissed him in Philadelphia and ran off or because he still had feelings for her. Despite currently being a relationship with someone else she subconsciously hoped it was the latter.

Instead of going back to the party as Jess instructed her to she remained in her bedroom and thought about what had just happened even after her mom came in and informed her that Dean left. She couldn't push the thoughts of Jess out of her head. She could see feel his lips on hers and it was far from a bad feeling.

Suddenly her thoughts were interrupted by a tiny knock on the door. Rory figured by the consideration of the knock that it was Luke. But when she opened the door she saw a small brunette girl looking up at her.

"Hi April, do you need something?" Rory asked. Generally she and April weren't best buddies. April got a long a lot better with Lorelai than she did with her. It wasn't like they fought or didn't like each other they just never really had much time to bond. By the time Luke moved into the Crap Shack Rory was spending almost all of her time at school trying to catch up so she would graduate on time after taking such a long break and April only visited on weekends and special occasions.

"No, not really. I was just wondering what you were up to. You don't have to tell me, I don't wanna be nosy. Its just that you've been in there for quite a while, and I heard Lorelai tell my dad that Jess left and you were just sitting in there in the dark. She sounded worried."

"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't want to worry anyone." Rory considered making up some story but instead she opened up her door wider and invited April in.

"Wow, I've never really been in your room before. Well I have but only when I finished the book I brought way earlier than expected and your mom let me pick out one of yours to keep me busy for the rest of the weekend."

"Oh yeah? Which one did you read?" Rory asked, smiling.

"Howl by Allen Ginsberg" April responded.

"Wow" Rory said remembering all the notes Jess wrote in the margins. "Did you like it?"

"I loved it. I really like Allen Ginsberg, especially his earlier works when he was still all tortured and passionate about his poetry."

At first Rory was astonished by the young girls knowledge of the old poet. She didn't know many thirteen year old girls who read books from the 1950s. Then she remembered being thirteen and all of the things she liked that no one else did. Rory never really had anyone to talk about the things she loved most with until Jess came along. Sure, Lorelai would always be up to listening to Rory talk about the latest book she read but it wasn't the same as having a two sided discussion neither was talking about a book in school. Right then Rory decided she didn't want that for April.

"I'm glad you liked it! Its my favorite poetry book of all time." Rory said. "Your cousin Jess is a big fan too."

"Is he the one who wrote in the margins? April asked. "I could tell it was a guys handwriting. Yours is much prettier."

Rory giggled. "Thanks, and yeah that was him."

"You used to date right?" April asked.

"Yeah, we dated in high school." Rory answered honestly.

"You've had lots of boyfriends haven't you?"

"I wouldn't say a lot. Only three, Dean, Jess and Logan." Rory responded a little defensively.

"Thats still a lot more than I have had." April said looking a little sad.

"Don't worry kid. I've got ten years on you, you'll get more boyfriends when you get older." Rory said trying to sound reassuring.

April got up and moved herself closer to Rory so that she could talk to her without being overheard.

"How do you know when a guy likes you?" She whispered.

"Oh. Umm. I don't know really. It depends on the guy, they all have different ways of showing their feelings."

"Well, aren't there some universal signs or something?"

"Unfortunately no."

"So then how do people even get in relationships. I mean isn't it kind of dangerous to expose your feelings to someone who you aren't sure is going to return them?"

"It is, and people do get hurt that way. You just have to figure out if the guy is worth the risk of getting your heart broken."

"How do you know when the guy is worth it?"

"Well, you have to think of all the good and bad things about him." Rory smiled. "Here, let me show you my system."

Rory ran to her drawer and pulled out a notebook and a pen. She pulled out a piece of paper and folded it down the middle, the long way. Then she drew a line where the crease from the fold was making two separate columns. On one half she wrote Pros and the other she wrote Cons.

"Okay, now tell me everything you like about this guy." Rory said.

"You make a pro con list for guys?" April asked her looking a little skeptical.

"Yes! I make lists for every important decision that I have to make."

"Okay then." April sighed "I like that he likes the same things as me. Books, music, movies that stuff. He is super cute, and I love his smile, and every time I see him I get this weird tingly feeling, I like that too."

Rory laughed. "Okay, now what don't you like about him."

April thought for a moment "Nothing."

"Then why are we bothering with this list? It sounds like you two were made for each other" Rory teased.

"I just don't know what to put on there. I mean what qualifies as a negative thing about a person. What did you put there for your boyfriends?"

"Well, for Dean I wrote down that he was too clingy and he has anger issues. For Jess it was the town didn't like him, and Logan is a snob. Sometimes its hard to find flaws in the people that you care for but its important that you are not oblivious to their issues. How about you think about it for a while and we can come back to the list later, or you can do it on your own if you don't want me to know.

"We can work on it later. I mean, if you want to." The girls exchanged a quick smile. It was clear to both of them that they're finally starting to bond and they were both happy for it.

"Can I ask you something Rory?"

"Sure, you can ask me anything." She responded.

"What is it like to be in love?" April asked but quickly added "I mean if you are in love, I didn't mean to just assume that you are but you've been with Logan since I met Luke I just figured it came automatically with time or something."

Rory was completely thrown by the question. And when she couldn't truthfully answer it made her wonder if she had ever really been in love.

"April, I'm sorry, but I've got to go." Rory said and ran out of the house cell phone in hand.


	5. Real love, Real dad, Real family

_Disclaimer – I own nothing in the Gilmore world except this fic and not even the characters are mine so don't go suing me, k?_

_Author's note – I'm a terrible updater, I know. Its been like months. Next chapter wont take so long. I promise. And yay for this chapter, personally I think it rules. You'll see why in a minute._

_------------------------------ _

Rory departed the crap shack at an alarming rate to anyone who knew her. Rarely did a Gilmore Girl move fast for anything but Rory was clearly on a path to somewhere. For a minute she thought her mother was going to follow her out of the house but she didn't.

Rory kept up her brisk pace until she reached the secluded area between the Dragonfly Inn and Luke's diner. She pulled her cell phone out of her pants pocket and dialed Logan's number but she got no answer. She was tired of having voice mail conversations so she didn't leave him a message this time. Instead she shut her phone and decided that it was time for her and Logan to end things. Listening to April talk about boys had made Rory realize that she had lost sight of real love.

To Rory being in love meant two people who share amazing intimate moments together, they tell each other everything and trust each other they draw strength from each other. Rory couldn't remember the last time she had felt any of those things with Logan. And she never fully trusted him again after he slept with Honor's friends. She realized that she should have ended it way back then. What kind of relationship can you have without trust? No wonder our relationship had gone downhill in a major way. Rory thought.

She thought she would be more sad at the idea of them breaking up but she really wasn't. It felt a lot like the death of someone she didn't like very much. She wanted to be sad but she wasn't, and that made her feel guilty.

Rory sighed heavily and started walking back towards the crap shack. When she got there she saw Luke sitting along on the front steps. Instead of going inside she decided to talk to him.

"Hi Luke, what are you doing out here instead of partying?" Rory asked curiously, hoping that he and Lorelai did not get into a fight. The last time they had a fight it ended up really badly and they didn't get back together for almost a year. In the meantime her mom married her real dad. When Lorelai married Christopher, Rory wanted to scream at them both for being idiots. She knew Lorelai never loved Christopher the way she loved Luke and it wasn't fair to anyone involved.

"Oh hi Rory. Your grandparents are doing stuff that makes me nervous so I came out here to get some air." Rory breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn't what she assumed.

"I get it. They make me nervous sometimes too. Hell, mom too and she's had to deal with them for longer than either of us." Rory said and smiled warmly at him. She knew her grandparents didn't exactly approve of Luke and Lorelai together so she went out of her way to let him know that she loved him and wanted him to be her step father. "What are they doing anyhow?" She asked.

"Emily is running around taking pictures of all your mom's furniture that she wants to replace and Richard is off making drunk insurance talk with anyone who'll listen. Unfortunatly, I got suckered into listening three or four times and he kept call me 'son' hence the nervous."

"Hey! But that means he is starting to like you. Which means grandma isn't far off either. I think they're afraid of what they don't understand but once one of them tests the waters and sees what the rest of us do the other one jumps in too."

"Yeah, I guess I'm just worried that they'll start to expect too much out of me. I can't give Lorelai everything the way Christopher did when they were married. I know they loved him and I don't know how I'm supposed to compete with a millionaire."

"Mom loves you though, and they know that. And if you ask me you're better for all of us than my dad was. Actually you've always been more of a dad to me than he ever was. Did I thank you for coming to my graduation by the way?"

"Oh, it was nothing I mean, I went to the high school one might as well go to this one too right?" Rory laughed a little bit at his attempt to make her think that it was no big deal.

"Well, Christopher didn't show up for either." Rory said in a tone that was bordering on chilly. She paused for a second and then said "He might be my biological dad but you're my real dad Luke, I think deep down inside even grandma and grandpa know that so come on lets go enjoy this party that I've been eluding mom's probably wondering where we are." She stood up and opened the door and waited for Luke to join her.

Once inside she searched around for Lorelai but she didn't find her so she looked for Paris instead who was deep in conversation with Kirk. She couldn't help but laugh at the look on Paris' face that suggested Kirk was probably telling her about his cape wearing days or something similarly odd but she didn't want to interrupt them so she went to her room.

She picked up Howl and wondered how her and Jess lost what they had. In high school Rory was sure she'd never feel the same way about another guy ever again. And part of that was true. Sure she has loved other guys since Jess but not in the same way. No other guy has ever dared to write in the margins of her books. And no matter how many times she read Jess' notes they didn't get old. Like the book itself Jess was timeless. She could read them a hundred thousand times and they'd never stop teaching her something new they would never cease to amaze her and take her breath away.

What the hell. Rory thought suddenly, do I still love Jess? She asked herself. She tried to tell herself no that they were just friends now and moved past whatever type of romance they had before. She could tell herself that and make herself stop thinking of him but she has never been able to push him out of her heart. Apperantly that had a mind all its own and Jess would never get off of it. She thought of him kissing her again, and how great it felt. Jess had a way of taking her into a different world, like a completely alternate reality where there was no bad things happening and all they needed was each other. Logan nor Dean had ever been able to make her feel that way before, she never got anything more than butterflies for either of them. She knew that he was special to her she just didn't know what that meant. But she had to find out, she didn't want to be like Lorelai, waiting most of her life for the right guy. Lorelai knew Luke for 8 years before they went out on a date and Rory just couldn't stand the idea of the man of her dreams standing right in front of her face but her doing nothing about it. Of course her relationships were never as clear cut as Lorelai's were. There was no obvious answer in her case so she'd have to figure it out on her own.


	6. That's Genetics Baby!

_Disclaimer – I do not own anything related to Gilmore Girls Nor do I own the title of the chapter which is a quote borrowed from the episode Leave it to Beaver of Veronica Mars_

_A/N Here's some fun banter and relationship talk between Rory and Lorelai it really helps Rory persue her love. No Rory and Jessness yet but it will be coming very soon!_

The next day Rory and Lorelai set out for Hartford on a mother-daughter shopping trip to get last minute items for the wedding rehearsal which was only three days away now. Lorelai had an insane checklist that contained everything from bubble wrap to a pumpkin.

"What on earth could you possibly need bubble wrap for?" Rory asked her mother curiously.

"I'm going to wrap the inside of my shoes with it. You know so my feet don't get sore from standing up all day long." Lorelai responded as if this was a normal thing.

"You've truly lost it." Rory teased.

"So is Logan coming to the rehearsal?" Lorelai asked Rory casually as she browsed at raspberry and lime scented candles.

"Um no, I guess I forgot to tell you we broke up. I was actually going to ask you if Jess was going to be there." Rory admitted.

"Jess?" Lorelai asked. "You have a thing for Jess again? What happened with you and Logan?"

"Logan and I just didn't have time for each other anymore and I guess my feelings for him just started to fade. Physical separation leads to emotional separation you know. Plus we were never really right for each other. Logan doesn't have a sense of family and I wanted us to be able to spend time with you and Luke or even visit Stars Hollow with him but he's just not into that kind of stuff and I am and I want somebody I can share with you and Luke and the town because you're all such a big important part of my life and I've felt so disconnected from it lately."

"I see, so what about Jess?" Lorelai asked again excited for more news.

"Jess, I don't know. Jess is Jess. I think I'll always have feelings for him without actually being able to have him."

"Who says you can't have him if that's what you want, you're a Gilmore Girl for heaven sake!" Lorelai mocked

"Mom!" Rory said starting to get slightly frustrated.

"Okay, okay. So what is it?" She asked curiously.

"We're just never on the same page. I'm here and he's there I'm on and he's off. Its like fate is keeping us apart."

"I can't believe this! My own daughter is misreading fate!. No really honey, fate wouldn't do that. Fate doesn't keep people who love each other apart. Sometimes we do stupid things. Take me marrying your father for example. But look how that turned out? Here we are shopping for mine and Luke's wedding. Relationships take work from both parties involved. You have to decide if its worth what you have to put in, and if it is then you do what you have to make it work out for you."

"Yeah I know that. How do I know if he is really in it though?"

"Ummm you could try asking him for starters." Lorelai pointed out

"I can't do that!"

"Sure you can, or better yet ask him to be your date to the wedding." Lorelai suggested.

"That I could do, but I can't just ask him if he still loves me after four years."

"I bet he does and you wont even have to ask him." Lorelai said smiling at her daughter confidently.

"He's great you know. When we were dating before every time we were together it was like I was really living for the first time. I felt like there could never be anything more perfect than this." Rory was wearing a huge grin from ear to ear at the thought of her old love.

"You can't let something like that go Rory! You should call him, I bet Luke knows where he is."

"I'll call him when we get back to Stars Hollow."Rory said a little be reluctantly.

"Goody, maybe we can all do something tonight. Have a little bonding time before you become related to your boyfriend?" Lorelai laughed.

"Mom that's gross! We wont be related. There is no relation term for your mom's husband's nephew."

"You'll be kissin' cousins!" She teased some more.

Rory picked up a loofa from the display area they were looking at and thew it at Lorelai hitting her right in the forehead.

"Hey! Don't throw things at mommy!" Lorelai said throwing one back at her.

"Okay, okay! Truce." Rory cried.

"And that's why you don't mess with mommy." Lorelai laughed

"Seriously now, what do you think about me and Jess as a couple?"

"I think if you feel like you really love him you should go get him."

"I mean, do you think we'd be good together or not?"

"I don't know Rory, I can't say I thought you were good together in high school but Jess has changed a lot since then. He's respectful and grown up. I think if you really have a connection with him you can't ignore it. Take it from someone who has taken a long time to finally settle down with the right man you don't want to go most of your life without the person you love. Me and Luke should have gotten married years and years ago, we could have had a real long beginning instead of just a middle and an end. Ya konw?"

"Yeah I know. I think I do still love Jess but I don't know how to tell him or how he's going to react. When he showed up and told me he loved him out of blue I didn't handle it well. I got scared and told him to leave. What if he does the same thing?"

"I really don't think he will Rory. If that connection you were talking about really is there then it will work out." Lorelai assured her daughter comfortingly

"You're right. Thank you mom." Rory said giving her mom a side hug.

"Come on, lets go home and see our Gilmore guys." Lorelai said smiling.


End file.
